Thursday, September 21, 2006
Another rollercoaster ride. I was so bummed last night when my mom went on and on about how she's getting irritated with me and she was saying that she could be as bad and mean if she wants to, threatening me that she'll go to my work to embarass me and how I would curse the day that I was born and that when she goes home to the Philippines to visit my son, she would say things to him and probably to the nanny that would make me look bad.
At this point, I just don't care anymore if she wants to embarass me or whatever. She could go ahead and do whatever she likes, I'm not worried with my reputation if that's what she's thinking. I'm tired of being me and protecting my dignity. I'm not Miss Perfect and I don't have nothing to protect. As for my son, she can have him, since that what she's been telling me, that there is no anount of money that I could repay her for the things that she did for us. I am very thankful that she was with me when I had my son, and I love him and he is all I have. But for the mistake that I did and my lack of judgement, I don't own my life anymore. I have nothing that I can hold and tell the whole world and my self that is mine.
I don't know if I should call my self as an adult or a kid. My age says that I'm old enough, but for others, I still have to live with someone else's rules. I'm beginning to feel that I'm a burden and my mom knows that too. Only because I wouldn't go home at the time that she imposed or I wouldn't do what she wants me too. Why can't she just let me go with no hard feelings? I know that she thinks that I can't make it on my own yet and I know that too, does it mean that all of us have to suffer? How would I know if I'll survive it or not unless I try? Why does this have to be so hard and complicated?
On the brighter side of life, a lot of people have been noticing my teeth. They said that it's whiter? They only noticed just now?! I did the whitening thing more than 2 months ago and they only noticed now????? Oh well. Better late than never.
Spell casted @ 10:26 AM